Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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