I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
