Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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