I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
