is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
