i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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