We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
