Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
