***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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