she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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