first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
