I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize