Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
