I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
