can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
