somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
