just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
