I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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