she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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