Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize