I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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