Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
operation harelip BJ is a go
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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