Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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