I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
