Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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