ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
