i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
