Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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