I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
