Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
