I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
