awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
