you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
