Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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