Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize