Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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