my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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