You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
