I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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