About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
