Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
