so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
