If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
