This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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