I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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