One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
