first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
