I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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