I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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