If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
