at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
