I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
