just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
