obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was confusing and full of hummus
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
