I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
