you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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