I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize