dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
