I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
