Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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