Your mouth is God's brothel.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
