I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
