i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
