True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
