If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
