i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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