Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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