Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
