i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Two words: blizzard sex
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
