Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
