if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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