I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize