a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
