Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
