Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
