I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize