Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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