If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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