My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
