i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Everclear isn't food dammit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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