Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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