I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
