Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize