Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
