Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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