You can't motorboat a personality
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize