It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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