I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
