I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
