Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
