He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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