I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
