I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize