My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You need Xanax blowdarts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize