What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize