thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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