Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
