She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
