Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
