put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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