new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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