Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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