you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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