It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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