Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
