some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
