I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
These tits shall not be calmed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize