fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
